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Top 5 Tuesday

Top 5… books that I would rewrite

19 November 2019 / 33 Comments

Good afternoon bookworms!

Today’s Top 5 Tuesday is ‘books that I would rewrite’! Top 5 Tuesday is hosted by the super lovely Shanah over at the Bionic Bookworm. You can visit her here, and join in for Top 5 Tuesday by checking out all the amazing topics that are coming up!

Also, apologies for the lack of posts the last couple of days. I picked up my copy of The Queen of Nothing by Holly Black on Friday afternoon, went home, had to do other things like babysit (ruuuuuude), started it at 9:30pm, and read through til 2am (breaking to check on my niece and other things), and then I DIED. I haven’t picked up a book since, nor have I blogged. However, I think 4 days is enough of a hangover, so we’re back today, albeit much later than my usual time slot.

Now, today’s post is going to be a little difficult for me, because with the exception of one book, the only things that I would change about the below books is the ending. But, I’m also trying not to do spoilers. So, I’m using my spoiler click for more info – if you’ve read the book or you don’t care about spoilers, feel free to click and open. If you haven’t and you do care, DON’T OPEN. Simples!

A shot from an insurance ad with a meerkat puppet who says

Darkdawn

I know, I know. If Nevernight was one of the best books I’ve ever read, how could I want to change the ending to Darkdawn? Well… it’s pretty easy, actually.

SPOILERS

Cue screaming. So, I hated the ending. Like, a lot. It was waaaaaaay too sappy and romantic and this awful “happily ever after”. *let me finish* Which, I think I would have been ok with, EXCEPT for the fact that Jay had been screaming from on high for YEARS about how it wouldn’t be a happy ending, that the story would end in bloodshed, and that Mia would die. Which, kind of happened, but not enough for me. Even to the point that at the freaking book launch, Jay said “I wrote three endings for this book, and this was the least depressing.” You know why? Because it wasn’t depressing at all. I want a refund.

The Hazel Wood

Contrary to popular belief, I did really like this book. The whole thing had this delightfully creepy atmosphere. Right up until the last 4 chapters and then it all just kind of fell over.

SPOILERS

I know, I am a perpetual whiner. But like, I still don’t know what happened here. It was super creepy and had me on the edge of my seat, and then it was over and Alice was a waitress again. Like… what?! And the friend (I mean, Alice treated this guy like crap) is still in the Hazel Wood. And no one cares? And then I find out there’s a sequel!! Like, the end didn’t need to happen at all. I would have preferred a cliffhanger, and I HATE CLIFFHANGERS. But, like, I still don’t even know what this was.

The Wicked Deep

I also loved this book. Honestly. I promise. It was really good. I’d just change one tiny little detail. The ending.

SPOILERS

I mean, not even the whole ending. Just the part where the ghost got the happily ever after and the boy is kind of still in love with her instead of the girl, and I just… MORE DEATH AND DESTRUCTION. Stop giving mean/bad/naughty characters happy endings. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. (Except Holly Black – you just keep doing your thing, Holly!)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Let the rants commence. (Also, I’m removing the spoilers for this one. If you don’t know how HP ends, then that’s not on me.) Things I would change:

  • Fred lives. (I need him for something below.)
  • Ron dies. Yup. I would totally kill him off. Buh-bye. (I also need a sacrificial lamb because it’s a one-for-one exchange and I don’t believe in Romione.)
  • In a further exchange of living and dead, we swap Hedwig, Dobby, Remus and Moody for Crabbe, Goyle, Lucius and Flitwick (I mean, I had to put someone nice in there, ok?)
  • Fromione happens. Yep, I ship Fred and Hermione. Hear me out: Ron is not an equal in that relationship, but Fred would have been. Fred not only wouldn’t rely on Hermione’s career climbing to support the family, he has his own which is super successful, and he is creative in that field (Ron taking over at WWW doesn’t count). Also, Fred would challenge Hermione and not let her be bossy all the time. He would bring out her fun side and challenge her creatively. They both think outside the boxes. Now, go back and reread all those scenes where Fromione were arguing about the snackboxes in OotP, and tell me that is not early stages of flirting.
  • I’m also ok with Drarry. Or at least some type of 19 years later where Hinny + 3 kids isn’t a thing and Harry has some PTSD / chosen one after effects, a la Wayward Son style. (I’m not saying that I don’t like book Ginny at all, because I do. What I’m saying is that it’s ok to take some time and find yourself and be on your own after some really serious events have shaken your whole life. You don’t need to get married and start popping out kids 6 years after school – that’s still very young.)
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

I mean, let’s be honest, I haven’t been quiet about my absolute contempt for this book… well, ever. No real spoilers for this one, I just hate the whole book from start the finish. In fact, the only thing that I would keep would be one of Harry’s kids being in Slytherin (but not necessarily Albus) and one of Harry’s kids being friends with Scorpius.

Would you change any of the books you have read?

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